Hey all! I guess I don't really have questions, but would like a bit of clarification. Most women (because I don't really talk to men about marriage) that I have conversed with on the subject of marriage claim that everything is "different" once the symbolic knot has been tied.
So, I would like to know what you all mean by "different." How, What and Why do you think?
The reason I ask this is that yesterday I celebrated my six year anniversary with my boyfriend, who I have lived with for over three years, and I wonder if it will be different for us when we do eventually get married.
Thanks all!
Lauren
Does Being an Artist Make it Harder to Art?
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I threw up a quickie poll on my Instagram Stories last week, asking how
many people make art every day. I expected most people to respond with
"no." God kn...
4 comments:
Ciao Ladies:
(fyi my writing tends to fragmented)
I have two experiences to share.
The first the dominator-"who in his reflection thought he failed as a husband".....OK....
I was in my early twenties and thought I was marrying my prince. Tall,handsome,blonde, and extremely motivated..he did rescue me from something, He placed me in a beautiful loft in downtown Chicago with a lake view...a gilded cage. Once we were married things did change -the verbal abuse escalated. He did take me for granted. Things got worse...so much so I had to conquer my great fear to leave him. I left with the only thing that I believed was mine-which was my Art. He shortly after that became a millionaire.
I still love him, but he could not manage his anger...is that learned or genetic?? I had become his punching bag something I could not live with-My soul was dying. Unfortunately many of my friends are going through the same thing as we speak.
Second experience
The Partner..
When I left K I vowed never to be in a toxic relationship again and I kindof vowed off the white man. I soon met an Islander, who has become my partner, my lover, my best friend, my supporter, and my inspiration. We are not married yet but after 8 years of a fresh and intimate relationship I feel things would not change if we were married. We are partners in crime and will continue to support each of our individual visions. I feel it is natural for humans to be in partnership versus domination-i.e. The worldview of the Neolithic goddess worship.
Yesterday I picked up this amazing book called SACRED PLEASURE-by RIANE EISLER. A must read for all you sex delusionists. Great insight to the history of the relationship between male and female. Below is an interview.
http://www.partnershipway.org/html/subpages/articles/sacredpleasure.htm
Honestly, when my husband & I first got married, there wasn't a huge adjustment to make. We'd been together for 2 years & spent nearly every moment together. We weren't living together & had decided to wait until we were married before sleeping together. That was the biggest adjustment we went through, but we went through that together cause we were both new at the whole thing.
I recently heard someone comment on the common idea that the first year of marriage is the hardest. They suggested that it's not the first year that's the hardest. The first year is a breeze. It's around year 5 or 6 where things get rough. My husband & I have been married for a whopping 5 1/2 years. I guess I do agree that things can get a little harder after the novelty has worn off. But I can't complain. We have a really great relationship.
Having recently added a baby to the mix created a whole new list of possible conflicts. But we are very close. And even though we may struggle with the lack of novelty/excitement in our day to day life/marriage, we are best friends. We're on the same team. Time has definitely helped to strengthen that bond & I really feel that more time will do the same.
So, there wasn't a huge adjustment or surprise to being newly married. And things didn't feel very different at all once we were married. Pretty boring, huh?
But I did have a panic moment while on the Honeymoon. (Totally came out of the blue for me, but I hear this is common) Realizing that I was married & this was forever kind of freaked me out. My theory on this is that guys have time to adjust to this idea before they propose or maybe during the months before the wedding. But girls (typically) are pretty caught up in wedding plans & the big day that they don't focus as much on the big picture of being married. It was kind of like Buyer's Remorse...but it's all good. I didn't need to make a return or anything. :)
Thank you ladies for the honest responses. I only hope your graciousness encourages others to become involved. Thanks for the explanations and sharing your experiences with all of us.
Lauren
I thought there was a huge difference b/w dating and married. We dated for 1 year, 2months before we got engaged and 1 year and 4 months before we bought a house together and moved in together. There was huge difference between before the wedding living together and after tying the knot and living together. I have tried to explain it before but it is hard to explain. I don't know if it was expectations (my own) or what but it was completely different. And the first year was hell! So i have a completely difference experience than Katrina. I think every relationship is different but i defiantly had a hard time with the "honeymoon" year, because you always hear that first year is bliss, and we experienced the opposite. Lucky i had some very supportive married friends that similar hellish "honeymoon" year.
ok, enough rambling,
Andrea
Congrats Lauren on your 6 years! we are 4 years of dating in August and 2 years of marriage in June! You have us beat by a lot! Go TOM and LAUREN
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