earth day blog-freegan weddings vs friggin weddings

Just a quick earth day inspired link about freegan weddings.

Freegan, for those not familiar with the term, is a person or philosophy that tries to reuse and reduce their impact by not buying stuff (or buying as little as possible)

What a way to turn delusions about what a wedding has to be on its ear!

http://portovert.com/freegan_wedding

"You can't go home"

That's me with my adorable nephew, who i went to go see last weekend. The whole trip got me thinking about the notion of home, and "going home".


I was thinking about this phrase "you can't go home again", and what it has to do with delusions, sexy or otherwise. I always used to think that this phrase meant that home is a memory, and that even if you do go back to your childhood home, its not the same because your parents are older (if they are still alive), your town has changed (the place where I had my first job is now a Kinkos, and there are condos where there used to be avocado fields). Home is physically changed or gone, so you can't go back to it.

But I was thinking that there is more to it than that. Not only has my home changed, but the very state of mind of feeling "at home" has too. I can not go home to a place where I am free of money worries, self doubt, or calorie counting. I can't regress to a place where I am able to strictly take the role of being taken care of and comforted. Home is a developmental state as well as a physical place. I can't go home anymore because that era of my life is over.

Maybe I can be that sense of home to a daughter or son someday. I think its dangerous to say that I could find it again when I start my own family ( ie...someday my prince will come). I might be a home -maker, but I can't really snuggle in to a warm worry free safe place in the world.

Maybe this is growing up and shifting roles. Or maybe other people don't feel like I do. Is this disillusionment or something else?

Celebration of the Love Story

I love a good movie and I am a romantic at heart, so I wanted to share some of my favorite scenes that involve some aspect of love.


Beautiful Girls

This is a scene that deals with a love between an older man and a younger woman. Sort of a love that could never be. I just think that the realism and honesty that they both deal with the situation they are in is so endearing.



Lost in Translation

The first time I saw this scene I melted in my seat. These two characters have such a heartfelt love that you get to witness develop during the entire run of the film. But, they must both leave one another and go back to their lives. You don't feel sad at the end of the movie even though the two have to say good-bye. It is as though they were meant to love for a short while and teach each other how to live. One of my favorite movies.





When Harry Met Sally

When I asked my fiance to give me a romantic movie he likes he told me to add this one.




Casablanca


Here's a scene where pain is written all over the people involved. You can just feel the angst and the need they have for one another.




Stranger Than Fiction

Another one of my favorite movies for several reasons. This movie really touches on my philosophy about life and art. This particular scene made me weep. I know I'm a sappy girl--but, you are just set up the whole movie to fall in love with Harold Crick and you do!





Lately, I have been pondering my own obsession with getting butterflies in my stomach. I love when a movie does that to me. There are so many different aspects and types of love and it feels great to have them in one's life.

Let me know what you think of these movies, and please share some of your favorites. Or tell me about some that you don't like and why.

Also, if you're like me, or not, tell me why.

More on this topic later.
--Lauren

The Definition of a Marriage

One of the hardest conversations my fiance and I have ever had was about 2 or 3 months before we were engaged. One night as we were falling asleep in bed; a night when I had to get up at 4am to catch a flight home the next morning (of course); he asked me for my definition of marriage.

Let's see if I can still remember what I said. I started with the stereotypical answer, something along the lines of "A marriage is a commitment between two people where in they promise to care for one another no matter what."
His answer was, "Why do you have to have a wedding and be married in order to promise that? Don't we already have that?" Great question that I honestly didn't have an answer for.



I know that I have been conditioned my whole life to get married. I am well aware of that. I know that I will learn over this next year what else I have been conditioned to think I want. But I know in my heart that getting married to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with is more than something society is telling me I am supposed to do.

So, he was not satisfied with my answer. After he asked the why do we need a wedding question I got really nervous. That made me start to think, "What would I do if he doesn't want to get married?" "Would I be okay with that?" And I think what scared me the most was that I wouldn't.

I finally answered, mainly out of frustration, but I also think that there is a ton of truth behind it, "I don't know what a marriage is, I've never been married before." I just tried to let it go and go to sleep. I was honestly kind of scared to talk about it because of where it might go. Something I need and am working on.

About 15 minutes later Tom says, "I know what a wedding and a marriage is for." An "Aw-ha" moment if you will. He said, "When you have a wedding you are promising yourself in public (like a politician or a doctor taking an oath to serve) to give yourself entirely to someone else in order to take care of them." That was basically what I had said, but for him the public promise was the most important part to him. That makes it more powerful and true. We ended up going to sleep on a relatively happy note.

I know my fiance extremely well at this point and I know what he was doing. We were having that serious talk to make sure we were both on the same page. Unfortunately, when a man and a woman have a conversation about a wedding and a marriage each is coming from a very different vantage point. I know that I reacted too emotionally to something he was trying to be too rational about.

One is told her whole life that in order to feel accomplished she must get married, the other is told to run away. Why oh why do we do that to ourselves? Why are women disillusioned into thinking that they are nothing until they have someone and why are men told that their life is over once they say, "I do." I don't know.

So, I sort of have a definition about marriage. I know that the second I say "I do" my life will change forever. Things will be different and I believe they will only get better from here. You never know until you go for it.

Another question is, "How do you know you have a good marriage?" I guess you just honestly ask yourself if you are happy. I guess I will find out won't I?

--Lauren