What is sexy?

This is such a hard question really.

I think sexy has been so commodified in our society by Victoria Secret, Sex and the City, fashion magazines and other things that the true meaning of sexy is hard to put a finger on. My cultural reference says sexy is a tan, hot, young (and thin) girl in lingerie and heels, with soft flowing long hair. But really, that's more attractive than sexy, even within the stereotype.

What is sexy? I mean, I guess attractiveness is part of it. Sexy is what makes you think of a person as a valid and desirable sexual being. So should I really be asking, what makes me find a person sexually desirable? That's an easier question. My answer for that is confidence, kindness, humor, responsibility, intelligence and thoughtfulness.

I think it's not fair for society to limit women to heels and bustiers if they want to be sexy in the eyes of their lovers. Not every girl wants or needs to wear bright red lipstick. Men may be visual creatures, but that doesn't mean women should comnform themselves to a visual stereotype. I get slightly annoyed at all the "sexy" nurses and doctor and secretary costumes around halloween. Then it becomes about a woman just pretending to be a competent working professional and instead relying on avisual cliche and bear skin for her worth.

Okay. Wait. Full confession time. I love high heels and lingerie. I have what some might qualify as a "ridiculous amount" of the stuff. And I like people thinking of me as sexy. But maybe that's just too easy. Because ultimately, I would like people (and I mean men most especially) to find me attractive and sexy based on less superficial qualities. My mind, my heart, my personality.

But if a frilly pink bra gives my confidence a lift (pun intended), then maybe it's helping rather than harming. As long as we as women don't find ourselves in a lace cage with no room to be taken seriously.

Sexy may be a lot of things to a lot of people, but there's one thing I hope it isn't: Sexy should never be limiting, for any of us.

-Heidi