That's me with my adorable nephew, who i went to go see last weekend. The whole trip got me thinking about the notion of home, and "going home".
I was thinking about this phrase "you can't go home again", and what it has to do with delusions, sexy or otherwise. I always used to think that this phrase meant that home is a memory, and that even if you do go back to your childhood home, its not the same because your parents are older (if they are still alive), your town has changed (the place where I had my first job is now a Kinkos, and there are condos where there used to be avocado fields). Home is physically changed or gone, so you can't go back to it.
But I was thinking that there is more to it than that. Not only has my home changed, but the very state of mind of feeling "at home" has too. I can not go home to a place where I am free of money worries, self doubt, or calorie counting. I can't regress to a place where I am able to strictly take the role of being taken care of and comforted. Home is a developmental state as well as a physical place. I can't go home anymore because that era of my life is over.
Maybe I can be that sense of home to a daughter or son someday. I think its dangerous to say that I could find it again when I start my own family ( ie...someday my prince will come). I might be a home -maker, but I can't really snuggle in to a warm worry free safe place in the world.
Maybe this is growing up and shifting roles. Or maybe other people don't feel like I do. Is this disillusionment or something else?
Does Being an Artist Make it Harder to Art?
-
I threw up a quickie poll on my Instagram Stories last week, asking how
many people make art every day. I expected most people to respond with
"no." God kn...
1 comment:
It is a beautiful time to be a child and not worry about life. To just jump in and be care free and not be concerned with the outcome. I would say that growing up is a bit disappointing at times because you realize that hardly anything is free and people aren't always reliable and they can hurt you if you're not careful.
But, I would argue that you can feel "at home" again. It seems to me, Heidi that in order to feel at home you need to be in a state of comfort, relaxation, and worry-free. Correct me if I am wrong here. That being your definition, why is that not obtainable? Are there things missing from your life that would provide those feelings for you? Is that what you are saying?
I think we can learn a lot from our childhood if we pay attention. Sometimes its worth not thinking about whether or not you will get hurt and just doing what's in your gut. A second scoop of ice cream is almost always necessary. Look at life with the freshest eyes possible; pretend that you are seeing something for the first time.
I have always thought that home was an emotional feeling (which I believe Heidi was pointing out), but I do believe it does take a resting place in your heart. The problem is that sometimes the mind moves in and messes with the whole thing.
Heidi, do you honestly think your time of carefree life is gone and done with? That makes me kind of sad to be honest. I think life is what you make it (I'm not trying to be a motivational speaker here, but..) and sometimes you have to just cry, scream and yell and get yourself out of your rut and start over.
Sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror and say, "Get over yourself, your life is not that hard."
So, I will kindly disagree my friend Heidi. Let me know if this sparks anything else. And to all of you out there--What are thinking? Is home something we lose when we move out of our parents house, or does it remain?
--Lauren
Post a Comment