The more I think about whether or not I am sexy, the more I realize that the definition for myself is entirely different from the definition I gave just a few weeks ago. As unfortunate and lame as that is, it's the truth. It is something I have been working on most of my life.
So, like I said in my post defining sexy, I believe sexy is something that makes you weak in the knees, that knocks you off your pedestal, snaps you out of your own zone for a second. But, when it comes to self-defining sexy, and answering the question, "So, does that mean I'm sexy?" the parameters change. All of a sudden it becomes way more about sexual attraction and if I'm pretty enough to get hit on by a stranger. I hate that this is what happens, but it does.
Is there anything wrong with more than one definition? In my case I believe the problem is that my focus is narrowed when it comes to myself, rather than making the definition about both, the sexual attractiveness that I possess and the abilities I have to surprise people in a good way, I only allow myself to be judged by how tight a dress I can squeeze myself into.
This is something I am not at all enjoying admitting. I am one of those girls that doesn't like to be a typical, stereotyped girl. I hate that I sometimes have body issues. I don't want to care about other people's opinions of me, in terms of how I look. But, sometimes I do.
Sometimes I do feel sexually attractive. It's usually the week before my period and I don't think it's my brain that is convincing me, but rather my biological clock.
Reproduce reproduce reproduce.
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be sexually attractive. I love when my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful. The thing is I know he's not just talking about my outside features, but also my heart and mind.
So, where does that leave me? I feel a bit like I am going in circles. I think my answer to the "Am I Sexy?" question at this point in my life might change on a daily basis. Perhaps even by the minute.
I guess I will leave it with the answer,"I'm certainly working on it." That's the best I can do at the moment. I want to be sexy, I think sexy is an awesome idea. I just want to live by my own definition and forget the pressures I've come under by this culture I live in. That is one of the main reasons I think this project is so great. Finally, women and men get to be honest about what really gets them going. When I first began considering sexy it was very much on the surface and all about the butterflies. But, the more I am open to thinking about it and talking about it, the deeper it becomes. And the more I realize that American culture is kind of shallow and forces people to be one thing or another and tells us that sexy can only be one type of woman and one type of man.
This blog is for everyone out there to let everyone else know their own perspectives and life stories revolving around relationships and being sexy. Please share with us and teach us.
We can all learn from one another.
I leave you with an image that is all me, the real deal. This to me, is what sexy can become if we only let it.
--Lauren
INWorldZ Friends ... People Make the World.
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I had the most fun in InWorldz last night (July 24, 2018) that I've had in
a long time. And there were more people on the grid than I've seen in quite
awhi...
5 comments:
Gutsy post, Lauren! Like I was saying to Catahoula Girl, I think it really is an age thing (even though you know I hate making generalizations like that). Maybe it is that we are so bombarded with cultural conditioning when we are in our 20's, and so many of the women you see on TV, in ads, etc. are about the same age. There are not too many women my age on TV or in magazine ads being objectified, so those of us who are "une femme de certain age" wind up self-referencing much more quickly, I think.
Or, I could be full of crap, LOL. What do you think?
--E. Marie
Um, I don't really know if I'm supposed to comment, but it seems like I am, so I'm going to.
This is an interesting topic and I would agree that a person's own concept of what is sexy is ever-changing.
I think I used to be what mainstream America might call "sexy" - I was about 5'9" or 5'10", about 130 pounds, blondish long hair, certainly with some eating disorder/exercising too much issues, and I'm fortunate to be decent looking to begin with. I went to my fair share of frat parties and was told by several frat guys that I was "hot" or "sexy". I got looks and gropes. I got invites, I could date easily. However, after a few one night stands that I thought would be more and after spending a little more time sober with these people who found me sexy, talking with these people and realizing they didn't have an intelligent thought in their heads, that their good looks only went as far as that - and this is only a generalization that held true for the people I met - that they collectively didn't have much else to offer. As of now, I don't want this attention, however at the time, I wanted it, invited it, felt reinforced by it, until I realized that being sexy isn't the same as being loved to appreciated. I still am flattered by someone finding me "sexy" when the odd someone finds me "sexy" these days. I think "sexy" is something elusive if you are trying to be. There will always be someone sexier in terms of mainstream America and that comparison stings a little sometimes and feels like defeat, I think especially for women. So much of being "sexy", too, I think is connected to size.
Now, I am happily married, probably carry myself differently (which might make a difference in the whistles I get), am same height plus about 40 pounds, short hair, probably more intelligent and experienced than before - there was certainly some learning that took place during my "sexy" younger years. I am probably not what most people would call "sexy". As a person and a faithful married woman ('woman' - that feels weird to type), I gravitate toward and am attracted to people who are intelligent, who have confidence in who they are, are happy with their lives and are doing the things they love to do(my husband for sure)- which is usually evident in the way someone behaves, speaks, references, etc. - have a sense of humor about themselves. I find that "sexy". It does help to value and love yourself and spend some time on yourself, doing things purely for your own good, be it working out, good hygiene, painting toenails - if it makes you happy and feel good and feel valued, do it! Most of all, I find loving someone for who they are and being loved in return the ultimate kind of sexy. Sex can be just sex, but sex is a million times better when it's connected to love that is mutual. I think the same holds true for feeling "sexy". I feel like I should be writing for concerned women for America or something - that Republican women's group - but I have found it to be true for me. Right now, I feel sexier than I ever have in my life. I'm sure my concept of sexy will change in the future as how I look changes, as kids come along and as new love is added to my life, but I hope to feel just as "sexy" in the future.
I think the pursuit of someone else's concept of "sexy" - ie:mainstream America/media/etc. - is a neverending chase. Until you realize you have your own definition of what is sexy and what you are attracted to, you will not really ever realize or feel sexy yourself.
I'm not sure this whole thing makes sense now that I skim it - what a huge idea! - but I'm gonna post it anyhow.
Great post, lindseyb ... I'm especially struck by your comments about the pursuit of "someone else's concept of sexy." I think that happens to many, if not most, women ... I wonder if anyone gets stuck in that stage, and what happens to them? Does this ring a bell with anyone reading? Do you still feel the pressure to be that "mainstream sexy" even in your later years?
By the way, you are DEFINITELY supposed to comment, our main purpose is to get people talking and engaged in conversation. Thanks for the great comment and for becoming a participant in this artwork!
--E. Marie
I guess what I am struggling with is that is feels to me that in order to feel sexy we have to deny ourselves the physical judgment. I want both. I want to feel sexually attractive on my own, and I want to feel as though I'm awesome and provide newness and "juice" (as Marie would say) to other people lives, separate from my physical appearance. My question to woman who are not in their 20's, do you not care about your physical sexiness anymore, or do you take that out of the equation? Or is it still there, but you don't feel the pressure to be a certain "kind" of physical sexy.
--Lauren
Lauren-such a good post. Seems we all have a love-hate relationship with the word sexy, hating the stereotypes while simultaneously wishing we could fit in them.
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