This or That? There is much more to it

I was talking with an old friend of mine the other day about relationships and marriage and she said that even though she felt she and her now husband knew each other extremely well and were totally honest with who they were before they were married, marriage was not what she expected. It wasn't one of those cases where the people within the marriage completely did a 180 the day after the honeymoon, rather, according to my friend it stems from what she feels she was told about marriage her whole childhood. Not necessarily with words, but with images, mainstream media and the like.

Does anyone else out there feel as though they have experienced something similar?

I guess my ideas about relationships came from watching my parents and all of the romantic comedies I went to with my girlfriends when I was about 14 or so. What I think is most hilarious about life is that what you think you want and what you really need can be so different sometimes. And you can't tell the difference until sometimes its too late.

I suffered the same symptoms as Marie when I was younger, mainly in high school, falling madly infatuated with those unreachable guys. Guys that partied way too much and did all the wrong things, that I myself would have never done because I knew it would lead somewhere I never wanted to go. Then why was I looking for it in someone else? How would that help me? This is where the romantic comedies come in. They follow such a formula that most of them end where in the final act the man comes running after the woman trying to explain to her that he now realizes how awesome she is and that he's changed for her. (I have also mentioned this in the post entitled The idea)--In that post I cover what I learned from a relationship that didn't turn out so well. I'll keep this post focused on my successful relationship.


There are so many things I have learned from various relationships I have been in. Not just romantic relationships, but friendships and family relationships.

One thing I have learned from the relationship that I am in right now is that it is okay to ask for help and to be vulnerable. I grew up super independent, watched my sister, a blond haired, blue eyed beauty go into the construction world with her head held high. She has now worked for the same company over 12 years and has impressed them numerous times on the way. My mom is unlike many woman I know, loving when she has the house to herself so she can be lazy and watch stupid TV. So, I have been so stubborn most of my life, believing that I can take care of everything myself.

I always believed I would be a career driven woman with no time to take care of a husband, he would have to do it himself. Now that I have been in a committed relationship for about 6 years, I realize that I am not giving up my independence or female strength just because I want to take care of someone. I just happen to be deeply in love and want to show it in as many ways as possible.

On another note, I still sometimes have a hard time asking for help, but have an awesome boyfriend who reminds me that he loves me and is always here for me. He is one of the very few people that I completely trust and so over the years it has been easier and easier to be vulnerable around him.

I think at times that I have been sent many contradicting signals from American culture. Its as though I had to choose to be a full on soccer mom, baking goodies and being part of the PTA or I had to live alone, eating meals for one the rest of my life with an awesome career. I feel as though our culture tries to label things and generalizes so much sometimes that it can be difficult growing up and trying to find yourself.

I think I had to find my own happy medium. And I think I have.

Let us know what you have learned from being in a relationship! We would love to hear from you.

Thanks all, have a great Thanksgiving.

--Lauren