Bringing Sexy Back

I'm so disappointed.

Justin Timberlake promised he was bringing sexy back and then all he did was make a few more records and wear a fedora in public. At least he had the good sense to make fun of himself in a very high-quality way (SNL's priceless "Dick in a Box" video short), but oddly enough both of those songs make an interesting and entirely unintended point: the public notion of "sexy" is a stuck somewhere between a hackneyed stereotype and something bordering on obnoxious.

Sexy is complicated; it means many different things to different people. In a way, the notion of "packaging" someone or something in the general media as "sexy" is completely absurd. Our entire art project really underscores that as well; sexy IS a highly individualized illusion and once you deconstruct it (de-illusion, becoming "delusion" for the purposes of this blog) you wind up with a mishmash of ideas, concepts, perceptions, personal predilections, situations and beliefs that won't translate into much meaning for anyone else. In Madison-Avenue speak, "sex sells," but "sexy" in the general media or the public eye goes far beyond Celebrity Fuck Lists and the Half-Naked Anorexic Startlet Of The Month hawking products.

People don't tend to deconstruct sexy automatically, though, so when the HNASOTM appears with her deodorant or aftershave or whatever, the Average Joe just takes in the presentation and doesn't argue with the message that this is what "sexy" is all about. Problems only appear when Average Joe hooks up with Average Jane and, well, that's when you get the "Dick in a Box" variation, if you know what I mean. The intense marketing of Viagra is another telling element: apparently an entire generation of men have been fooled into thinking side-by-side bathtubs outdoors (!) and merely having The Little General come to attention for hours at a time will make their women swoon with delight.

Uh, no. What dweeb writes this crap?

In real life, I think we all know (well, all us straight women know, at any rate) that The Little General doesn't come into play until we're at the very end of sexy. This is why Playgirl seemed to be a big hit among my gay male friends, but none of my straight female friends found it all that interesting. The male reaction to a centerfold of a member of the gender of interest seems to be to stare, oogle, ooh and ahh, and to study closely. But straight women opening up copies of Playgirl looked at the centerfold and said "Hum. I've seen one of those before and it looks about the same as all the other ones. He lists 'nature' as one of his turn-ons. I wonder if that means he'd be willing to clean out the cat box?"

I wanted to make this post more specific about who or what is doing the greatest disservice to "sexy" in the public eye, but the longer I thought about it, the more I realized there are too many candidates just to single out a few. Frankly, the real disservice to "sexy" is being done by those of us who are too busy to think about it, too wrapped up to question the messages we get from advertising and magazines and movies and society in general, and too repressed (or insecure or embarassed or troubled or whatever) to LIVE it. Ultimately, "sexy" is not the same message as "sexual"; I can have a sexy relationship with someone without having any kind of sexual relationship with them. Essentially, I think we, the People, need to find it in ourselves to do whatever it takes to bring sexy back ... it's just too big a job for Justin Timberlake to handle.

Here's your question of the week to ponder or post about: how do you bring "sexy" back into your life? How do you tune out or filter the sex-equals-sexy messages we are bombarded with? And for parents: Do you do anything to help your kids sift through those distinctions?

Think sexy ...

--E. Marie